welcome to "red eye." i'm greg gutfeld. let's go to tv's andy levy for our pre game look. andy, looks like you became an extra from a futuristic soap opera over the last few hours. >> i am from the future, greg. let me just say no hurry. and general petraeus resigns as cia director because of an extramarital affair with his by yoking graw fer. in a related story, i am now looking for a by yoking graw fer. and the shocking story that could have waited a few years. and brad pitt designs a furniture collection. and it makes you say, petraeus, smayus. why wasn't this the lead? >> nobody told you the v

neck? >> i wish the people who said it is cool to wear yellow said that to me. >> i look delightful. >> you look like a tiny banana. >> i can't follow that. >> go away strange future boy. >> she is so sharp that magicians use her to cut them in half. i am here with kennedy. she only needs one name. as well as reason.com and reason.com tv contributor. that's a long credit. he just landed the role of biff in the off broadway musical "back to the future" which means he can quit his career as mall santa. it is writer and comedian jesse joyce. i feel bad for the brawny model you beat up. and in georgia he is considered pie crust. it is bill schulz. it is. it is the shirt from the brawny guy.

>> he is so tough he can kill you with a taco. fyi, taco is what he calls a machete. next to me, u.s. army special forces member terry sapper. >> thank you, graphic. he knew the broad well. on friday cia director david petraeus resigned after admitting to an affair. it was revealed that paula brodwell the fbi stumbled on to her name and was concerned petraeus was a victim or there was a security breech on brodwell's part. but according to news max given the top secret clearance and the fact he was married he monitored . amoung them discussions about sex under a desk which i can do standing up. the fbi agents expected him to

resign rather than risk the possibility of being blame mailed not to mention being distracted during the libya mess. he waited until after the election. he also won't be testifying on libya next week. that is certainly convenient says a guy wearing a yellow sweater. let's focus on something else instead. yes, yes, adorable. but just an hour later that puppy killed four children. terry, you are in the military or so you claim. no proof actually. >> no paperwork. >> was the resignation because of the affair or was there something rotten in rottenville. >> i wish there was. to see him go this way with an affair, it is not a very i will lust reyous thing to do.

it just shows people fail and do the wrong thing. it is kind of convenient after the election. >> have i many theories which i will go into later. >> i can't wait. >> what do you make of the timing? >> 50 shades of petraeus. i can't wait for the biography. i hope she doesn't have twit picks of his goliath. we don't need to know if david is rolling that way. i mean, he is 60. some decorum. >> he is the guy that could have one mistake. that's why i am not so sure. >> here is the deal though. an extra extramarital affair in washington, not a big deal. even dianne feinstein, my senator oh we are so proud of her. california you lost your mind. she said, i think he is the most wonderful man in the world and i wish the president didn't accept his resignation. so people are not shocked by the affair. there is definitely a deeper story. broadwell knows, she can broad well.

>> i think it is always amazing in dc a comb over does not keep you from an affair. in fact, that is the largest number of comb over affairs in all of the united states, perhaps the world. jesse, as a former manager at pacific sun wear you must have seen people resign all the time. anything strike you as odd about this one? >> he is laughing at his own joke. no, he is laughing at one of his writer's jokes. he is not clever enough to make fun of me consistently. >> all i do is go through the mall and pick up shops you might -- >> it is a combination of store and border line sexual offense. that's pretty much -- or something about my gangliness. it is a combination and it is a magic 8 ball. look, i know we have to get out of here because you have to teachers and a community college cooking class later. >> you are like a stick of butter which is great because that is half of the important part of frosting.

>> i just hope the general petraeus situation can be -- i think it is compared to the general motors fallout. >> did he resign as well? >> i imagine the next step is they willpoint a shrewed japanese person. >> it was better worded. >> i was trying to make it seem conversational. >> no wonder you have to steel your clothes from the laundromat. >> i wrote that onement. >> bill, you married yourself in 2008. do you consider yourself having an affair? >> no career into affect. i don't think it counts as an affair if you have an affair over yourself. i am a terrible sexter. i sext myself to my hot mail account. his sexting is having sex under a desk.

in "50 shades of gray" they clear off the top of a desk. >> what a horrible cia director. he is using his u.s. government account to send e-mails and she broke up with him before the appointment and he sent her thousands of e-mails. >> these guys have secure nets. it is just layers of protection. you got caught sexting? >> and wasn't she going through his e-mail 1234* only a woman could figure out a cia guy's e-mail. they are the only ones who can get through an e-mail like that. >> advice for people who reach a certain status. when you get a by yoking graw fer make sure it is a member of the sex you aren't attracted to. you will sleep with the biogropher. here is why, they are the only one that willisen to your problems. you go home to your wife and she is like, i have heard everything. shut up. you get this young woman and has never heard your stories

before. it is like meeting a girl at a bar and for four days she listens to everything. >> i would want to have sex with her. >> you will sleep with somebody who listens to your problems. >> also the other thing was they ran together. that's what you do with your wife. you have sex with the biogropher. you run with your wife. the sex part is why you do it. >> here is my theory before we move on. they didn't want him to testify because he would refuse to lie in court. they had dirt on him and he fell on his sword. >> it is a shame though. couldn't he have gone to extramarital rehab during the hearing? >> that's why i don't think it is about the affair. what do i know? i am an idiot. >> i would like to think if he has something to say, general petraeus, i technically work for him, just bust out. at this point it is over. if there is something you need to talk about and this is the time to set it straight. >> it was interesting it

happened right after the election. what timing. >> i have a theory for that. >> i want to chime in. where is the [bleep] with the glasses. >> i am not going to even bleep that. >> that's so good. i would just like to p oi nt out -- mark twain wrote robert e lee's biography. i don't know if that pokes a hole in your theory. i don't think they tumbled around. >> that's a lot of fatal share to negotiate. >> to kennedy's point, in a way petraeus acted like the media and did obama a favor by holding the bad news until after the election. he didn't want to get his boss in trouble which is honorable. he probably talked to his wife and said -- if this is all about the affair it is like i don't want to -- if i resign before the election, that's going to be the story and we

are never living it down. this is the story that killed the obama resurgeons was the story i was screwing around. >> maybe she is a romney supporter. maybe she is a romney supporter and black mailed him and was going to come out with salacious e-mails. >> why use the term black mail? this is 2012. >> it is african-american-mail. >> i actually subscribe to that catalog. there are a lot of great robes i buy. >> shorty robes, people. everybody knows about my shorty robe collection. are there ducks in a row while the right suffers whoa? they have a clear favorite and it is the comedic actor sinbad. no, actually it is hillary clinton. the public policy polling, ie boring jerk shows the secretary of state with 50% in a hypothetical presidential

run. with joe biden a distant second. many thought he would change his mind because women always do. the gop settled on a candidate for 2016, and it is not mitt romney. for more let's go to our senior political cory correspondent. demon corgi. >> you are never getting that corgi out of the box. but why did you put him in the box if that's what's going to happen? jesse you ran for president for the dudes who hang out in the auto parts club. is america ready for an answer? please include the word no.

>> they could be. but why are we talking about this now? >> what else are we going to do? >> what are you wearing for halloween in four years? it just happened. just give it time. >> that's our next topic. >> it is 2016. you are going as a munster. >> and you died from whatever disease keeps you that tiny. >> is it projeria. >> i don't know but that could explain why it is shrinking. >> and you are 14. >> does the gop have to run someone not white or male? should it be a member of the bird family? >> you mean like robert bird? he is dead. >> actual flying things. >> marco rubio had me with his gorgeous lips. unfortunately he might capture some of the socially conservative law tone know vote.

but republicans did themselves no great favor by being super coble social con. this is a great time for civil war. and the democrats could see on. and i will propose if hillary clinton wants a majority in the country she should be more libertarian. not only would it be her spending predecessors, she would get out of the blustery shadow. >> a female libertarian would be an intriguing thing. it will never happen, but that's the only way she would be attractive to me as a candidate. i think it is possible. >> i love the idea of a civil war within the republican party. >> what side were they on in the civil war? >> let's not talk about that. terry, the democrats already have her lined up. does it matter that republicans don't have a dominant favored? >> the republicans need a black female and hispanic transgender jewish catholic

male. >> sounds like my dad. >> this bothers me. i will be debbie downer. you are funny and you are funny. the whole -- i'm sorry. that was bad. the whole big tent thing bothers me. the conservatives need to be more inclusive and bring people in. what you are saying is black people and hispanics and women don't understand that having a job is better than having free birth control. >> they do but it is -- that's what it is to be more libertarian. you don't need to pander to anybody, but give up the the social nonsense. >> but the social nonsense thing whether they believe it or not, that was put on them by the democrat left as look this is what they care -- >> oh really? why did todd aiken lose? he said something genius. >> by the way, inen general

tea tea -- tea party people care about get off my back? >> they allowed themselves to do that. >> the left hung that on them. >> yes, they hung that on them after the republicans got in. >> your lips are very, very red. >> they are few shaw. >> this is why you can't have a host who is taller than the table because he has to break it up. >> help us. >> this is good. what she is saying is right and what you are saying is right. >> he steps on his own wiener? >> yes because the left never do that. >> the republicans and conservatives -- the republican party has to learn not to make it easy for the media. aiken made it so aikenly easy. you are right.

there needs to be a clown exodus. they have to go where is the smart, young right wingers and conservatives and the libertarians. >> i agree, but can the standard beheld toward the left as well? >> it never will be. >> there was no difference in these two candidates. that was the big secret in this election. one wanted to spend on defense and the other entitlement. >> the point is if mitt romney had won he would -- would he have done any better job the way the entitlements are? >> their plans are no different. paul ryan had a 2% difference with obama care. it is so frustrating because people were like, this is the most important election of our lifetime. no, there really is not. >> what is the most important election of our lifetime.

>> 2016 which she comes out as a lesbian. >> i think the "maxim" hometown hotties collection is good. >> do you ever argue with your girlfriend who is tonya harding's sister. >> she is not my girlfriend. we are just seeing each other. >> just checking. i just wanted to throw something in your face. >> jeff galloli. his bodyguard. the guy that hit what's her face is dead. >> can i just say one thing? all of these people are saying our thoughts and prayers are with the petraeus family. not everyone is holding hands and saying grace. dear lord, baby -- please help general petraeus and his wandering --

>> to your point of thoughts and prayers. when somebody resigns or quits they are described as extraordinary. i am sick of the word extraordinary. coming up, when one door opens, does another one open? >> did you do that? >> he did. i knew this day would come. i was having trouble getting out of bed in the morning because my back hurt so bad. the sleep number bed conforms to you. i wake up in the morning with no back pain. i can adjust it if i need to...if my back's a little more sore. and by the time i get up in the morning, i feel great! if you have back pain, toss and turn at night or wake up tired with no energy, the sleep number bed could be your solution. the sleep number bed's secret is it's air chambers which provide ideal support and put you in control of the firmness. and the bed is perfect for couples because each side

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bad" make a cnn guy sad? anchor don lemon and jonah hill got into a twitter cat fight over who was behaving like a bigger diva following an encounter earlier in the week. >> you meant to do that.

>> lemon tweeted first with this, said hi to jonah hill in hotel. think he thought i was a bell n ma. didn't know his name until bell man told me. >> thought to be outdone. i said hi. what do you want me to do? move in with you. what do you want me to move in with you? didn't know you were a 12-year-old girl. then he ended it with peace. i hate that. >> and then he said, hardly. you are not my type. but i know rude and you were. hillary spawnedded i walked out of the rest womb and found you waiting for me. your camp said hi. sorry if you found that rude. on friday don went on air and cnn to address it one last time saying the thought that i am waiting for jonah hill out said a bathroom is absurd. speaking of absurd.

that's my kind of angry tweet. am i right, fellas? these are two grown men. is america over? >> is it wrong i didn't know who don lemon was? >> she america's lemon. he is america's lemon. >> you will be let down if you say hi to a celebrity who doesn't know who you are. don lemon? >> he works at cnn. it bothers me these are two grown men fighting on twitter. it used to be you ironed out your differences in the street with a broken bottle and bat. thousand we are doing it in a civilized way. who are you? >> who are you. no! >> the way you are punching and the lemon yellow shirt is killing me.

>> speaking of lemon. >> as long as we are continuing this lemon party. i love fake twitter fights. this is fantastic. no one knows who don lemon is. >> jesse, you can't get it on the tv radio. do you follow this story at all? >> it is more i have to conserve the energy in the car i sleep in. jay how did i do -- >> how did i do better? >> you are flying into his arms. that's how. >> i think the don lemon is being a baby. i think jonah hill looks like an enormous fat baby. >> is he fat? he did get thin. i don't know if it was barr method, p90x or a little surgery. a little al roker surgery?

i don't know if he beefed up. >> this celebrity stuff. bill, you are considered a celebrity in some of the weird yes, sir san -- german clubs. >> i reject the weird stuff. you what? >> i knew it would be exend ited. >> learned that from candy crowellly. >> jonah hill. lemon was proud of himself. jonah hill immediately deleted all of this, all of the back and forts. i don't think he should have. he reacted how he should have. why are you acting like a 12-year-old girl? i said hello. the peace thing was out of hand fnlt but then don lemon adds fuel to the fire by going on air and talking about this more. adding words like absurd. >> by the way, i can't stand

when people do this. they meet these celebrities and they are a marginal liesed story. i was at a bar with robert pattinson and we sat down and had a wonderful -- >> that's funny. i know you are lying because i was with him, and he wasn't in a bar. although he was holding a bar and pleading for his life. there was alcohol involved. >> where are you going? >> i had no where. >> news men back in the old country they were worried about catching stories and sigh los. that's it. they didn't want to shake hands with a b plus lister. >> lemon is one out of two. >> by the way, i love that there is an i'm implication that he was tapping hills foot. >> there was a little bit.

>> racism. >> jonah hill is a racist homo fob. >> i think it would have been phac fating to see somebody walking by. it wok like, look it is star the "twilight" and gay" harry potter." >> he is such a muggle. >> you know what is great, the opportunity for the joke came and went three minutes ago. >> i did. veins were exploding in his head. >> it was a good idea. >> while we talk about the lemon party -- >> i am thrilled by the fact that at least one viewer will google that. >> do you have a comment? it is red eye at fox news.com. do you have a video of your animal doing something? go to fox news.com/red eye and click on submit a video and we may use it. still to come, the half time

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>> greg, what do you have there? >> i have my book. five days until my book comes out. if people order it it will move up in the rankings and it will be great for me as a person since i have low self-esteem. i would like people to buy my book. it would make me feel better about myself. >> it is very funny. >> you haven't read it. >> i have. nick gillespie gave it to me. >> oh that's nice. kennedy says my book is funny. >> and nick loves the cultural references. >> i know. we are about the same age. something he could understand. still rocking the v neck and the blazer i see. >> stilling roughing it. >> or not rocking it. i thought it was an apple reference and then realized what you are saying. terry, you said the timing of this is convenient.

is that because of the election or benghazi hearings or both? >> i think both. >> do you think there is a connection with the benghazi -- >> i don't. it is funny to talk about and interesting, but -- by the way, do we know. we do want anything. anytime they get information i would like to hear it. kennedy you said an extra marital relation in kennedy is no big deal. you can't have a cia chief or intel person be in a position where they can be black mailed. you can be black mailed for anything. bill you said wasn't she being imoosh -- the biographer, going through his e-mail. >> that's what they are not scawsing.

that would be something to press charges on. terry you said petraeus had something to say he should come out and say it. he can't do it. >> not yet. it is all classified. >> i respect that. >> you are taking the wind out of my wings. >> you will be in a ambudskill. >> it was fun before you butted in andy. >> he is hot from wearing three layer whys. >> six. >> six layers 1234. >> andy and i have an appointment for being in an ll bean catalog. jay i thought you had to go to the paramont bar in 1992. ii am just waiting to break

out the turtle necks. it is getting me in that direction. they say portray yous didn't necks this. if this is potential black mail, shouldn't he have been forced to resign and give up his security clearance immediately. like as soon as they discovered this. i suppose so, yes. >> if he was real grabbing mail. >> it is done right there. you are take edge off the -- taken by the secure. >> what if it was from somebody higher up. guy it wasn't blackmail of the. >> if you are black mailed by your boss, how could you be fired. >> i prefer to thack about that on saturday. on air. i don't understand how it was an option to delay this once they found out about it. i don't get that. >> that's why there is something deeper going on.

it was thought just the affair. people go, not really reflection on the president just like super storm sandy. they are layers. the biographer had a book called general petraeus' rules for living. lead by example at the front of the formation. >> mercy. i am getting -- >> leader needs to give energiment stay fit to fight. your body is the ultimate rep system. and we will all make mistakes, but the key part is to -- >> can you read slower? >> i can't i am running out of time. i will send the link. >> thank you. >> rngs need a black female

hispanic transgender jewish catholic male or jeb bush apparently. >> whatever. >> kennedy you said hillary should be more libertarian. >> i am guessing she won't be more libertarian. >> i am not saying it will happen. by the way, jeb bush could not have a more toxic name. >> he could if his name was jeb cancer for everyone the holocaust didn't happen junk ill. he is correct by the way. >> is that dutch? >> interesting last name. >> it is on his mother's side. terry you said people don't care and it is something the left hung on them. but the thing is sphalings --

as long as the republicans give them the chance, the media will hang it on them in 2016. there is a reason george steph knop plus came out, the thing that bathers me -- why do the right have to move? >> i think it is because they lost. >> the right has to say, we don't want that. >> i know a lot of conservative people. we don't want to be in your bedroom. you keep dragging me in there because you want me to pay for stuff. i don't care what you do. >> that would have been more con sowfable if i didn't find you in my bedroom. >> we had an agreement. it was to not talk about this. i am done with you now. >> terry, i don't mind you are in there of it is the ma poke craw see. >> he came down via a zip line.

>> he was wedged in the corner. >> if you look at him you can't see him. >> all you could do is feel him. >> and he did. >> sean eckhart is the good i who attacked nancy carrigan. died at the age of 40 of natural causes. >> that's not natural. >> jonah hill and done lemon have a twitter spat. to play it safe all celebrities should carry a picture with don lem hahn -- don lemon. the thing that bothers me about this. don lemon should understand there are times when jonah hill or me or rush and don't mean had to rude. >> you are good with your fans. you will stop and talk to them. it is unusual if you sigh i am

in a hurry. i rb the way you treat your fan. >> and so does he. this is something lemon wrote and then deleted. he said, quote, i it was waiting for luggage and laughed at how important you were. be nice. stardom is fleeting. >> something you might want to think about, greg. >> your star ship is fleaing. >> greg has two shows on fox. he is not going anywhere. >> you never know. >> yon more year and you are done. >> bill, i am with you, the fact that don lemon happened on air is just sad. i would never, ever do anything like that. >> hash tag irony. >> hash tag huh poke craw see.

>> i am done. >> has anybody done that, hash tag, hash tag, hash tag. it means something. >> i think we should open a medical marijuana dispense recalled hash tags. coming up. kevin spacey is baning wait for new role. brad at this time -- bride pat is designing furniture? heavavavavav

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>> lightning roooouuuuunnnndd lightning round. >> jesse, you maying furniture out of taking existing furniture and breaking it into pieces and then sitting on it. >> i don't know if you know how to light a hobo fire in a p sister, but you can really stack spools of wire. >> you don't actually -- i don't want anybody -- you don't actually -- hobos are not the fuel for the fire. >> you have a chair and light stuff and have a fire around you. >> yes. usually a steel a garden hose and siphon gas off somebody's tank. anyway, i was pursuiting the most recent collection "legends of the fall" catalog. i was particularly partial so the -- to the book case of

benjamin bow tau and the super either -- super sleeper. and there is one rule about the bathtub. you can't talk about the bathtub. >> when you order something from the brad at this time line -- brad pitt line and you will have to scream, what's in the box? >> terry. >> i have nothing. >> i bet you have furniture of skulls people you head. >> maybe i don't. maybe you should come and check it out. let's have coffee. jure why do celebrities -- >> he so much money. he is the sports man for chanel shub five. he makes untiles -- millions of dollars in the far east. judging from the jewelry

design for his wedding ingauge meant wing -- wedding engagement ring he is not good. >> what happens when you are big and famous nobody has to gets to tell you you are sick in able at home. just wanted to show people how horribly you live. >> it is also made from gwenyth paltrow's hair. the key word is collaborate. that means, brad, we just did all of this stuff, can we put your name on it? word up. that's brad pitt's name. >> there was a problem delivering it to his house and found one of brad's switch book. oh is that old thing? i have been dude gelling. every time people find my sketch report is he wasn't

arrested. >> it doubles as a toilet and he goes to bed as a junk. >> you are the one who says you have to have a curb 10 toilet seat because if it does fall asleep. >> your legs fall asleep. >> i did see some of the sketches. it is furniture people think are for the future from 1980. it would be like in a penthouse apart meant wall street. >> dark curly base. gnat joox like the future they wrote think about in the 60s. they watch the jets and they say space needle. it is terrible, that whole city. i don't know what i am saying. >> how can you make fun of seattle wearing that? >> this is not intentional. this is the least wrinkly

thing. >> i hear you play base. that was matt dillon's band. more faff when we come back. for stuff when we come back.

anthony wiener returned to twitter nearly a year and a half after an accidentally tweet almost killed his career. he called for more hurricane relief. so i don't really -- i can't believe i am saying this, but i don't feel like talking about wiener. i was kited but i think i got all weaned out. the storage unit you live in was unaffected by the storm. that's all i had. >> how was your toad stool? >> do you have a friend graduate ?g. >> he was in san diego and graduated from the seals. he is on seal team -- >> somewhere or else. >> he is on the west coast. >> he is a real dude. >> i graduated from 1993. we were using crossbows and

blaming arrows. it was funny to watch them across the stage. they are all young good looking tough guys. it was before i let myself go. it was the drugs. >> wow lance armstrong. >> do you have a opinion on wiener? >> i feel bad for his wife. i feel worse for wiener than petraeus. >> that's cool. bill? we killed uh lat of air time on wiener last year. it doesn't feel the same. >> it is not the same. he used to save us, but now we dump him in the back of the e block. >> is that your cousin. it could be. >> it bums me out. it is like you dated somebody for awhile and thought maybe you could go back for drinks. that's the wiener story. i thought this was going to be fun.

>> you miscalculated. >> wiener. >> we will close things out with a post game wrap up. >> we always lower the bar.

you can watch us on saturday at 2:00 a.m. eastern time and 11:00 p.m. pacific time. a new "red eye" returns on monday. >> now back to jason bourne for the post game wrap up. beat anybody up in the studio there, jason? >> can't talk about it. >> glad you changed. i guess the jokes were a bit too hard? >> i just want to get the hell out of here as soon as possible. >> somebody has plans. >> he has to get baying to his

taxi stand. >> terry, do you have a picture you want to show? >>- q. i there is a pick tire you are looking at. the ugly guy in the green was. there the handsome cat is my cousin, chuck. he just graduated from seal training. >> you guys are handsome. >> did it help you in the half marathon? >> i got a specialized shiv. it is the fastest. in my life. >> did you just say that? >> jesse? >> do you have shows coming up. >> i have one series rvetle -- series. it is funny. watch it. i tay you can about things coming up next week. >> do you want to talk more about anthony wiener? >> until done with wiener.